Funny ?

Itshokeng Funerals – the name of a funeral parlour in SA.

LOl. 

 

A florist made my day

and I did not even get flowers, but I did get a good giggle.

My sister sent me this number  0861 300 600 and told me to phone it for a laugh.

I did, thinking it was one of those joke lines.  It’s not, it’s actually NetFlorist customer call line, but the greeting is hysterical. (I checked there website to confirm it is their number).

I wonder how many calls they get of people just calling the number.  And how many will actually order flowers because of it.  I am tempted, just so that I can legitimally phone again.

Women drivers

“Women drivers are the best”  according to the bumper sticker on the rear window???   Though this might not be the best advert for it. 

Woman Drivers are the best

I had to take a picture.

My living Will

MY LIVING WILL

 

Last night, my husband and I were sitting in the living room, and I said to him, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’

He got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

I received this via email this morning and could not help but laugh!

Eve’s side of the story.

 

Here is the joke that I received in mail the other day.  I thought it very funny – and to me it makes a lot more sense that that other story that has been going around for years…….

 

EVE’S SIDE OF THE STORY

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. “So, how is everything going?” inquired God.

“It is all so beautiful, God,” she replied. “The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain.”

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more “symmetrically balanced”.

“That’s a fair point,” replied God, “But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

” Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied, “But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let’s see….where did I put that useless tit?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Words for Women to live by.

I got this on email today and it made me smile.

 

Words for Women to Live By : 

1. Aspire to be Barbie – the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits – buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt… A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? – Have a daily Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down – just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS/Menopause and this is just your personality.

8. I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don’t get your knickers in a twist; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons - turn them into lemonade then mix with vodka.

12. Remember wherever there is a good looking; sweet man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tyres or Testicles it’s gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she’s wrong.

Get a life?

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