Posted in Cycling, Hobie Beach, Ironman, Ordinarylife, Port Elizabeth, Running, Shark Rock Pier, South Africa, Swimming, Training, Triathlon, weather, Wetsuit

I am chicken! And not afraid to admit it.

So as I said in the last post, I am pretty happy with my body at the moment.  It is doing what I want – now I just need to work on my MIND!!  It is seriously letting the side down.

 

I am a chicken – I don’t deny it.  Lots of things scare me!  Heights, strong winds, big seas, sharks, jelly fish, success…Actually the list could go on. 

 

Most Friday afternoon’s we go for a sea swim from Hobie Beach.  There are usually quite a few people there but when the wind picks up, in particular when the Easterly picks up most people stay away, most sensible people – not my friends.  I went down expecting (hoping) them to cancel.  I hung around, sure they would cancel.  There was a serious Easterly blowing, which means rough seas and if the easterly has been blowing long enough Bluebottles (man o’ war) and jelly fish.  I rarely swim if there is an easterly, but my excuse of bluebottles was falling on deaf ears – the sea was still clear!  They decided to go out!  I was going to have to do this.  I need new friends? 

 

Bluebottle
Bluebottle

As we were entering the water we spoke to a few people coming out, they said it was fine until you turned around and tried to swim back.  Hmmm, ok!  So we went in and they were right, it was fine.  So what if you smacked down as the wave passed, or that you swallowed half the sea?  I was actually enjoying myself.  So WHY, oh WHY did I decided to swim ashore at the turn around and walk back.  I was scared!  Or at least I thought I should be scared!  East’s scare me, right?  I had felt the rip, and knew it would feel choppier on the way back.  But so what!  I am a chicken, it is the only excuse I have.  As I walked along the shore I felt disappointed, I could see my friends swimming and they were doing fine.  I could have done it, and here I was walking!  I felt like kicking myself. 

 

And then what do I go and do????  Almost the exact same thing on Sunday!  You would have thought I would have learnt.  The only difference was this time it was on the bike.  I pulled out at the ½ way stage in our ride.  It was windy and raining and I am scared of the wind – I always say I am scared of the wind.  I don’t ride if it is windy?  But I was actually enjoying myself – so why did I pull out?  I think my MIND just is not up for this.  It thinks I should be scared so then tells me not to continue. 

On a calmer day!
On a calmer day!

 

 

 

I know I should be proud that I went out even for the 1st halves.  Most people did not, and as I am reading what I have written I am beginning to feel a bit better about the whole thing.  There were not many people in the sea on Friday.  Less than ½ of the usual culprits, and yet I still went out.  So, I walked back – I had already swum nearly a kilometer by that stage.  And on Sunday, there were only 3 of our group that even started cycling and we did not see many other cyclists on the road.  I still did 62km, and I was not the only one to pull out at the ½ way.  In fact only one girl continued; still I should have joined her.

 

But I suppose I am getting better, slowly.  At least I went out!

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14 thoughts on “I am chicken! And not afraid to admit it.

  1. I think you have to trust your instincts when it comes to things like this. You weren’t being lazy, you were being careful! There’s nothing wrong with that!

  2. Emil – I am not sure about that…. I think I might rather want to take my chances with a bluebottle or two than a taxi.
    Hanlie – thanks, that is what I was telling myself. Also that I do this for fun, if it stops being fun then what is the point.
    Shayne – Very true!

  3. Wow you are really hard on yourself. You are doing great…all I did on Friday was walk along that same beach and eat an ice cream…you swam! You could not possibly be scared of riding in the wind…then you would never ride…because in PE the wind is always blowing. Keep going…you are doing great.

  4. I think you are doing just fine. Fear is sometimes something that keeps us safe. It isn’t as if you NEVER go out and ride or swim. There are certain conditions where it might be smarter to skip it. Don’t worry 🙂

  5. You shoulf point out to your overseas readers that bluebottles are only 4cm long.

    Nasty and itchy though. But don’t you have a wetsuit on? And flippers?

  6. 6000 – I am sure that most of my readers are intelligent enough to click on the link. And yes, they are small, and yes I wear a wetsuit, but my face, hand and feet are not covered. And yes, they are nasty and itcy and VENOMOUS. If you are allergic to bee stings you are generally allergic to these and can die from sting. I have had to pull a lifeless friend out of the water after being stung by one. Luckily we were in a competition and there were paramedics on the beach. She had to get adreneline injected directly into her heart and then what ever they give you to combat the sting. Not something I want to happen to me or to witness again.

  7. Wow. Hectic story about your friend with the bluebottles sting. Yes this weekend was a junk weekend for training. At least you got out and did it. I was at the pier registering for saturdays run and i saw people swimming but there was no way I was going in there. It was hectic currents. I’ve done it once that it was so swelly that it made me seasick so I also had to get out at the happy valley beach and also walk back. So are we doing the 3km swim at the next ocean series? 🙂 I think I saw you running the weekend… Dunno if it was saturday or sunday but as I was turning into vitry i was sure it was you that stopped for me to drive past. And then I hooted just so that I could tell you on here that it was me that hooted at you (If it was you) 🙂

  8. I barely want to WALK ON THE BEACH never mind SWIM IN THE SEA if blue bottles are around. Those 4cm pack a mean punch as you have witnessed.

    Its good to be scared. Its keep us safe and sane. And you are amazing and fearless in my eyes and I bet in many others.

  9. SA – I did not know there was a 3km swim. I have not been down to any of the races in a while. I thought I should concentrate more on the bike. I probably won’t do it though. I am doing my long runs on Saturday’s and my long run’s on Sunday’s.
    And so it was you that hooted? I was trying to rack my brains as to who I knew that drove a car like that and would be going up Vitry.
    Melody – Thank you.

  10. I’ve had sessions like that – and even when I’ve been the one COACHING them! Jellyfish are revolting, and if I see too many I freak out and can’t swim anymore.

    You are human! We are all a little tough on ourselves about things….. like you said, at least you started…

    Looking ofrward to reading about your last few weeks of training. Hope it all goes well – take care of yourself.

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