So as I said in the last post, I am pretty happy with my body at the moment. It is doing what I want – now I just need to work on my MIND!! It is seriously letting the side down.
I am a chicken – I don’t deny it. Lots of things scare me! Heights, strong winds, big seas, sharks, jelly fish, success…Actually the list could go on.
Most Friday afternoon’s we go for a sea swim from Hobie Beach. There are usually quite a few people there but when the wind picks up, in particular when the Easterly picks up most people stay away, most sensible people – not my friends. I went down expecting (hoping) them to cancel. I hung around, sure they would cancel. There was a serious Easterly blowing, which means rough seas and if the easterly has been blowing long enough Bluebottles (man o’ war) and jelly fish. I rarely swim if there is an easterly, but my excuse of bluebottles was falling on deaf ears – the sea was still clear! They decided to go out! I was going to have to do this. I need new friends?
As we were entering the water we spoke to a few people coming out, they said it was fine until you turned around and tried to swim back. Hmmm, ok! So we went in and they were right, it was fine. So what if you smacked down as the wave passed, or that you swallowed half the sea? I was actually enjoying myself. So WHY, oh WHY did I decided to swim ashore at the turn around and walk back. I was scared! Or at least I thought I should be scared! East’s scare me, right? I had felt the rip, and knew it would feel choppier on the way back. But so what! I am a chicken, it is the only excuse I have. As I walked along the shore I felt disappointed, I could see my friends swimming and they were doing fine. I could have done it, and here I was walking! I felt like kicking myself.
And then what do I go and do???? Almost the exact same thing on Sunday! You would have thought I would have learnt. The only difference was this time it was on the bike. I pulled out at the ½ way stage in our ride. It was windy and raining and I am scared of the wind – I always say I am scared of the wind. I don’t ride if it is windy? But I was actually enjoying myself – so why did I pull out? I think my MIND just is not up for this. It thinks I should be scared so then tells me not to continue.
I know I should be proud that I went out even for the 1st halves. Most people did not, and as I am reading what I have written I am beginning to feel a bit better about the whole thing. There were not many people in the sea on Friday. Less than ½ of the usual culprits, and yet I still went out. So, I walked back – I had already swum nearly a kilometer by that stage. And on Sunday, there were only 3 of our group that even started cycling and we did not see many other cyclists on the road. I still did 62km, and I was not the only one to pull out at the ½ way. In fact only one girl continued; still I should have joined her.
But I suppose I am getting better, slowly. At least I went out!