I am beginning to suspect that I don’t write very well or maybe that I should do a bit more proof reading of my posts before I actually post them? Unfortunately that is not me. I am a bit of an impulse girl; I write, I post – people misunderstand. This post is going to be no different – except hopefully for the misunderstanding part. Also this post is not directed at any one person. I received a couple of emails…
It seems I have to clarify two of my previous two posts. So lets start:
I remember when I was 14 I got a radio cassette player for my Birthday. I wanted this player for AGES, I had begged for it, I had pleaded but I did not think my parents would actually buy it for me. When I unwrapped it and saw what it was I quietly said thank you and put it down on the table. I don’t know why I did not jump up and down, why I did not run around, why I did nothing. My mom was very upset. She thought I was not happy to receive it. She was wrong, I was VERY happy. But I had not reacted in they way she thought I would. In fact I had reacted the opposite way of how she thought I would. I think I was scared that it was not real, that somebody would take it away from me or realise how much it actually meant or something. I almost feel like my reaction to being pregnant has been the same. No, I have not jumped up and down, no I have not told everybody, no I am not shouting from the roof tops. But that does not mean that I am not happy or excited. I am very, very happy but I am almost too scared to get excited about it just yet. What if something happens? People have said you should not tell anyone till 12 weeks because up until then it is high risk and I have 2 friends who in the past 3 months have lost their babies at about 7 – 8 weeks. I am scared that somebody takes this away from us, so it is almost as if don’t want to let on how much it actually means to me.
My reaction to that cassette player (which I still have) has bothered me for the past 23 years! Why did I not just jump up and down, why did I not let my mom know how happy I was to have received it. Maybe I will wish I had reacted differently to the first few weeks of this pregnancy. Who knows? But my apparently lack of enthusiasm does not reflect how I actually feel. When on my own I am Googling every little bit of information I can find. I read the entire book “What to expect when you are expecting” in 2 days and have gotten through numerous magazines. I have not (and will not touch alcohol), I have not eaten anything I am not supposed to and have even avoided something’s you can have in moderation (like coffee). I have spoken a lot to people that are expecting or have just had babies. This past weekend we had a family come and stay with us and the wife is expecting their second. That was why I said Mr OL is probably finding me boring. All we all weekend was talk about babies.
However, I have told my friends after week 12 we can celebrate, so that is what I will do here. After week 12 I will celebrate. Well, I probably will be celebrating on Tuesday if everything goes well with the first scan on Monday afternoon – but you will be the first to know.