Posted in Family, Maternity Clothes, Ordinarylife, Pregnancy

What not to wear…(or say)

So what can my project or task be for this weekend?? 

I think number one on my priority list is to try and refrain from killing my insensitive husband.  As my sister keeps reminding me “Boys are stupid”! 

I knew before we got married that he did not find pregnant woman particularly attractive, but did not need reminded at 4.5 months pregnant. 

I was preparing to go out on Wednesday night with some of my girlfriends; I had done my hair, put makeup on and generally thought I looked pretty good.  He then said that it was about time I stopped wearing tight clothes because you could see I was pregnant and it was decidedly unattractive. 

Now as you all know I have a bit of a complex about my tummy and the way I look at the moment (hence no photo’s) so this is not the best thing to say to me – or any pregnant woman I would assume.  He could see that it obviously upset me and so said “So what, are you now cross with me?” 

Uhmmmm…….  Cross had not yet come into it, in shock at that time might be more appropriate. Cross came later – and has stayed around. 

So I will probably delete this post later.  I don’t like writing about Mr OL as I feel he deserves his privacy – but I AM MAD!!! 

6000 – in one of your comments you said that maternity clothing was a very good contraception but that Mr OL probably would not tell me that at this moment.  I did not think I would ever say this, but you could you please come and teach him about stuff not to say to pregnant woman?  He clearly has a lot to learn.

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9 thoughts on “What not to wear…(or say)

  1. You have every right to be mad. That is bloody insenstive and uncalled for. Its absolutely asshole-ish behaviour and he isnt an asshole so hopefully his head will soon return from ass vacation and he will be incredibly repentant.

    And For His Info – many people find pregancy woman/tummies very attractive; dress for yourself and be proud to have the privilege of carrying this miracle!

    PS if he doesnt repent – go and buy the most expensive shoes you can find. I know that works to bring most grown men to tears! 😉

  2. For some reason, men dont seem to understand that a woman needs reasurance that they look good even tho they are pregnant, because it is to foreign to us aswell as the growing tummy. it was insensitive of him, let him know that it would be best for him to just refrain from saying anything not complimentary about the way you look for the next 5months!and im sure that you are looking good, just enjoy it, (which does sound a bit bizarre i know) but it really is a most magical time in your life. (men dont quite get it im afraid…)
    and we are all eagerly awaiting a photo of your burgeoning bump:-)

  3. Hanlie – I know, shame. He seems a bit out of his depth.

    Melody – I got my own back over the weekend. I told one of his friends what he said and he got blasted.

    DS – I managed to get breakfast in bed today, so I think all might be forgiven.

    Tricia – I know, the way he is going on at the moment you would think he had no part in it, or that it was not actually his idea.

    Imsonotablogger – I told him from now on it was best to either keep quiet or lie – Lieing being preferable. Just tell me I look gorgeous!

  4. One has to be careful here.

    Let’s look at things from both sides.
    Firstly, from the pregnant woman’s side (because if I start with the male PoV, we’ll never get to yours).

    Hormones are surging, and you’re getting round. (Let’s not beat about the bush here, you are getting bigger and that’s a good thing in your situation. So round, but round in a good way…)

    First pregnancy, so you’re not sure what to expect.
    Maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable.

    Physically, cos it starts to get a bit tight for space inside.
    Mentally, cos it’s a journey into the unknown.
    Emotionally because of the waistline AND the hormones AND the journey into the unknown.

    But it’s OK. This is all normal. And your gynae, the books you’ve read, your Ante-natal class (ANC, but an apolitical version, to the initiated) and your friends/colleagues who have had kids will all tell you this.
    And you deserve the support of Mr OL as well of course. After all – this is “all his fault”.

    BUT!!!!

    Now look at it from his side:
    OK – no hormones involved (directly), and no expanding waistline (directly). But he sees the effect of your hormones and he sees the effect of your (healthily) expanding waistline.

    Also for him, it’s a journey into the unknown. But there’s no huge support network for him there.

    One of the best things we did was go to an ANC which understood that there is more than one person in a pregnancy and that the male half takes a lot of strain too.
    Not that I’m condoning him making comments about you looking “unattractive”. Just that it’s better for everyone concerned (including BabyOL) if all parties involved are aware that pregnancy can be an emotional and difficult (as well as rewarding and exciting) journey for all parties involved and that normal rules do not apply with regard to sensitivity – especially when it comes to comments that probably would have slipped past happily unnoticed BP (before pregnancy).

    You say in another recent post that you and Mr OL rarely “talk”. Now is a really good time to start.

    Pregnancy and having a newborn child is incredibly hard work. Like you have never known. But not just for Mum.
    Understanding that Dad also has worries, concerns, stresses and strains makes it a whole lot easier to get through these challenges.

  5. 6000 – thank you. Very insightful.

    Firefly – I suppose it is like everything in life. What one finds beautiful or attractive may not be the same for another.

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