Posted in Family, Ordinarylife

You can’t choose your family – pity!

I am very lucky – most of my direct family is great.  We get on very well and are pretty close.  

However, my parents moved here from Scotland just before I was born and besides my Granny (my mom’s mom) we have not seen much of the overseas relatives.  In fact I have only really met my mom’s side of the family. 

When I first went to the UK I thought I would contact some of the others – in particular my Dad’s mother.  She was… how shall I say this politely….. uhmmm not very receptive to my requests to meet.  In fact her words were that she was “too busy”.  Considering I had not given her a date to meet I took this as her way of saying she did not want to see me.  That was ok, it hurt a little but I could get over it.  In the entire 3 and half years I lived in the UK (one of those years in the same town as her) we met up once.  That was because my mom was over visiting and she arranged it.  

Earlier this year my sister, who is now living in the UK also tried to meet up with her.  Her response – she was too busy!  This from a 96 year old who last saw my sister when she was 6!!!  A bit upsetting but my sister got over it.  It was not like she had agreed to meet one of us and not the other. 

Then, I just heard today that my dad phoned his mom this week and said that he would like to fly over to Scotland to visit her.  He has not seen her in nearly 30 years, and considering her age he thought it was probably now or never.  Her response, well, she hopes he does not think he can come and stay with her, because he can’t….  NICE ONE GRAN!  Obviously he is not thinking of going any more.  How could anybody not want to see their own child?  It was not as if he has even done anything wrong.  They never had an argument and he was not disowned or anything like that.  It is just odd!  As I said, you can’t choose your family. 

It does explain my dad a bit more though.  He is also not the most “social” of people towards his kids. Whenever I try and arrange to meet up with him he is always “too busy”.  He refuses to see us on Christmas, Birthday’s or on Father’s Day always saying that he has other plans.  Any contact between us we usually have to initiate.  However, we have also realised that the best thing to do is just to drop on by, saying you were in the neighbourhood or passing or something.  He will usually say that we can’t stay for long, but then never wants us to leave.  But it is more understandable now.  If this is what he has learnt from, then he has come along way.


6 thoughts on “You can’t choose your family – pity!

  1. My cat! Coming from a ridiculously close family (we take pictures almost every time we get together which is every other week!!!) this is hard for me to fathom.

    Its great though that you and MR OL will be passing on a different relationship perspective to our offspring. I find it incredibly sad that a mom could not see her son for 30yrs and then blow him off. I wonder how your dad really feels?


  2. 6000 – it could be worse, the could be English…….

    Melody – my mom, brother, sister and I are like that so it is also difficult for me to understand. I feel very sorry for my dad, I am sure that he must be really upset even if he won’t say so.

    Jennifer – I also don’t know how to explain it. Maybe she was really upset when he moved to South Africa and this is her form of payback or something???

  3. Hanlie – they do! Can’t say what a normal one is because I don’t think I have ever come across one.

    I hope I will be a different parent. I am sure I will and so will Mr OL. His family is close and very important to each other, so am sure he will instill the same in his kids.

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